Jokes

Confession to swearing

A man goes to the confessional.

“Forgive me father, for I have sinned.”

“What is your sin, my son?” the priest asks back.

“Well,” the man starts, “I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible.”

“When did you use this awful language?” asks the priest.

“Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 280 yards, but it struck a phone line that was hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards.”

“Is that when you swore?”

“No, Father,” says the man. “After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in his mouth and began to run away.”

“Is THAT when you swore?” asks the Father again.

“Well, no.” says the man. “You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!”

“Is THAT when you swore?” asks the amazed Priest.

“No, not yet,” the man replies.

“As the eagle carried the squirrel away in his claws, it flew over a bit of forest near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball.”

“Did you swear THEN?” asked the impatient Priest.

“No, because as the ball fell, it struck a tree, bounced through some bushes, careened off a big rock, and rolled through a sand trap onto the green and stopped within six inches of the hole.”

Silence filled the confessional until the Priest sighed and said, “You missed the fucking putt, didn’t you?”

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