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Confession to swearing

A man goes to the confessional.

“Forgive me father, for I have sinned.”

“What is your sin, my son?” the priest asks back.

“Well,” the man starts, “I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible.”

“When did you use this awful language?” asks the priest.

“Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 280 yards, but it struck a phone line that was hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards.”

“Is that when you swore?”

“No, Father,” says the man. “After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in his mouth and began to run away.”

“Is THAT when you swore?” asks the Father again.

“Well, no.” says the man. “You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!”

“Is THAT when you swore?” asks the amazed Priest.

“No, not yet,” the man replies.

“As the eagle carried the squirrel away in his claws, it flew over a bit of forest near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball.”

“Did you swear THEN?” asked the impatient Priest.

“No, because as the ball fell, it struck a tree, bounced through some bushes, careened off a big rock, and rolled through a sand trap onto the green and stopped within six inches of the hole.”

Silence filled the confessional until the Priest sighed and said, “You missed the fucking putt, didn’t you?”

By Richard Fellner

Winner of multiple Australian Golf Media Awards – including "Best Column" for his monthly Starters Box column as Editor for Inside Golf Magazine – Richard Fellner is the quintessential Golf Tragic—having played the game for over 40 years (but has never gotten any better.) He has played and reviewed courses all over the world, and has interviewed many of the great players of the game (including Jack Nicklaus, Tom Watson and Greg Norman). Richard is a member of both the Australian Golf Writers Association and the Golf Society of Australia, and he is a regular guest on many Australian "sports talk" radio shows and networks, including ABC Grandstand, SEN 1116, Melbourne Talk Radio 1377, 2GB and others.

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